Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 117
So this week we're going personal. For anyone who's been around these parts for a while, you'll know that fatphobia is a big bugbear of mine and something that I speak about a lot, not only as a fat woman, but because it is, to me, one of the last great socially acceptable prejudices that really impacts a huge amount of people's life, life expectancy, and very importantly, healthcare.
Now, as someone who is quite regularly impacted by people's conflation of health and weight together, this podcast may feel a little bit accusatory to anyone listening, because frankly, we are all socialised in this stuff that teaches us that our worth and value as humans is based on our body mass index, how much space we take up in the world.
The precariousness that this is all balanced on is the idea that fat people, frankly, are lazy and haven't put enough effort in. And if you just tried a little bit harder, you could be thin. And therefore probably the presumption is not so much of a drain on society. It might sound harsh, but that is something that a lot of people believe deep down and a lot of people really benefit from pushing that message.
Now you might think, "yeah, cool, Anna, I know all of this. Isn't fatphobia, terrible. I wish that we were all treated the same. I wish that we were all had equal rights, equal opportunities, equal resources. But that has nothing to do with me because I'm not the kind of person who would point at someone in the street and say, hey, fatty, put the burger down." And yet... I'd like to ask you how you speak to yourself when you look in the mirror. I'd like to ask you how many filters you put on photographs or selfies that you see your mates take of you in group photographs. I'd like to ask you how many times in a group photograph you hide behind somebody else because in your own words, "you're feeling 'a bit fat'". How many times do you try something on, suck your stomach in, put your hand on your belly and make a derogatory comment about your own body? Because each time you participate in one of these actions, what you're doing is reinforcing the idea that fat is wrong, that fat is bad, that fat is something that, frankly, you couldn't bear to be, that you would really hate to be.
What does that say about people like me? What does that say about people who are around you and you can absolutely jump on them, but I wouldn't speak to somebody else like that. But if you're speaking to yourself like that, you are adding weight and impetus to the idea that fat is wrong. And why is that? Because no one really wants to be fat, because they know how fat people are treated. They know the stigma and the moral dismissiveness and presumptions that fat people receive, that they're just not trying hard enough, that they're wrong, that they should have a different body.
If you are not able to speak to yourself with any kindness and grace, you are reinforcing that message. And even if you think none of this applies to you personally, I've just got to take a pause and say that when we speak about fat people in a way that puts them in a frame of someone that we absolutely wouldn't want to be, we are also in very close proximity to ableism. People used to say to me a lot, I'll be your big but as long as you're healthy.
Well, I'm not. So now what? Now, where does that fit into that big old picture? When I go to the hospital, I quite often have to explain away my weight. So people will look at the core issue as to why I walked in the door. People ask to weigh me before they will look at a skin complaint, for example.
People are regularly denied healthcare because of their size. And one of the reasons why that is entirely acceptable is not science because the research does not back up this conflation. The truth is that people get away with this kind of thing because we're all there sucking our stomachs in front of the mirror, telling ourselves that we should be thinner or smaller and that the worst thing we could be is to be fat.
Now, I'm sure that you don't think this all the time, and I'm sure you don't think it regularly, but I'd be amazed if anyone who's listening to this hasn't criticised themselves or called themselves fat or said that they're feeling fat at any point in the last year, I'd be surprised. And if you are doing that, well done you.
What I would like to offer you this week is next time you find yourself speaking to yourself with a kind of criticism that reinforces systematic oppression of people in different bodies to you and people in, like always, people in larger bodies than you, you are being, you are contributing to the harm of, with the way that you speak to yourself when you're being horrible to yourself about your weight.
When you catch yourself doing that, I invite you to pause and think. Who is making money out of me feeling like this? Whose voice is this? Who has programmed this into my brain, and do I really agree with it? Do I want to be contributing to this dynamic that keeps us fighting against the meat suits with which we are encased in this lifetime? And how distracted does that keep us?
How much could you achieve for the amount of energy, headspace, money and thought power that you have spent over a lifetime trying to bully your body into a different shape, trying to hide from things that you don't want to be seen in, trying to fit into old clothes that don't fit around your skin anymore, and being really, really mean to yourself in the mirror and in dressing rooms and in swimming pool changing rooms, avoiding swimming altogether. How much joy are you missing out on because you have been taught that your body should be different? It distracts us from dismantling systems that enable more people in a wider variety of bodies to thrive, be safe, be cared for, be looked after, and feel welcome.
Your homework this week is to take up space. To catch yourself when you tell yourself these old stories and just check in with yourself: is this something that I would say to somebody else? And if it is not, if this is something that you're willing to make a lifetime commitment to stop adding, to just stop adding to the oppression, to stop adding to those bullying voices out there in the world that tell us that people in different bodies aren't going to be welcome? How much effort are you willing to put into making your body feel welcome so that more people in more bodies will be welcome?
Good luck out there. Very strangely, I've got a course on body confidence. Should you wish to work on this more together, Body confidence and militant feminism, are kind of my jam. I'm also doing a course which is coming up really soon on how to stop being horrible to yourself when you look at yourself in photographs; it's from Camera Shy to Body Confident. And I'll put a link in the show notes to it here. I'd love to see you inside. t
There is also a free workbook if the workshop has passed and you don't want to get the replay, there is a workbook. But to be able to look at some of this stuff if you'd like to take the work deeper. But the workshop is the place where we're really going to take this to a level where we can transform it for life. You can get that energy back from all of those stories that you don't want to be telling yourself anymore. And frankly, show up for yourself. Create a better legacy for yourself in photographs and for the people that you leave behind who love you and to be able to spend your time living your life doing the things that you love.
I hope to see you inside.
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