Uncertainty will draw you in like a black hole
Uncertainty sucks. Yet life is full of it. So, what do we do with those big questions? I’m talking the kind of “What if I am not good enough?” “What if they don’t like me?” “What if it goes wrong?” type questions. A big clue is when you leave the sentence to trail off, or add a little flourish of “you know…” at the end without ever finishing what you are describing. I have found these unfinished questions leave a lot of room for fears to fester. So what else could you try?
1. Answer the question.
Do you have a question that makes your stomach flip? Stare it down. Look it in the eye. Follow it all the way to where it is trying to take you. The problem is, we rarely conclude what is deepest and darkest, and so they are left to hang around in murky corners being all menacing. When you complete your own sentences, you can quite often see how ridiculous they get. Ie What if no one comes to the party?” could well look like: “Well that means no one likes me and it is always going to be like this and I am going to die alone.” When we have the whole thing laid out in front of us we can see what we are really dealing with.
2. Feel What the Unknown Feels like
You may want to throw your laptop reading that – I am sure you think you know EXACTLY what uncertainty feels like… but… do you? I mean… really? When it arises, do you tell yourself (and everyone else) how unfair it is, how much you hate it and get active to try and force an outcome? Or have you ever sat there and spent time with it, and noticed what happens to your body when you feel uncertain What sensations come up? Which emotions? What stories? Most of us don’t really know what uncertainty feels like as much as we know what trying to escape the feeling of uncertainty feels like – and that’s very different. What does uncertainty have to teach you when you are prepared to not instantly run away from it?
3. Trust Your Inner Compass:
You’ve navigated life this far. I know it sucks, but your life has probably involved a lot of uncertainty up until and there is no gentle way to say this, but here is going to be a whole load more. So rather than spending your time trying to avoid what is inevitable, it is worth finding way you can praise how far you’ve come. You have an in-built navigation system, and you’re doing your best with what you know.
Leaving what if questions unanswered answered it is like the thudding music at the end of a soap opera. When we spend our time leaving ourselves on a cliffhanger, it’s unsurprising that it often makes us feel anxious. None of ever really know what is going to unfold, but leaving your brain to fill in all the gaps is always going to remind it that it should remain on high alert.
When we leave questions hanging, we're scripting an endless drama with no conclusion. It feels like we are forewarned, but actually, it’s just exhausting.
When you find the courage to tackle the questions head-on, you do more than just seek answers. You start to dismantle the fears built around the unknown. If you’d like to feel a little more calm in your story, it is worth deciding which narrative you’re going to tell yourself every day.
But isn't this just gaslighting yourself?
Nope.
You're making up the bad stuff just like you can make up the good stuff. If you're going to be writing a story, it might as well be one you enjoy.
Want to learn how?
Head on over to SelfCareSchool
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