How I learnt to ask for help and how you can too
I'm notoriously hard to support.
My friends tell me often.
I used to pride myself in my not-being-a-bother ness.
Until I realised it was causing the folk I love a lot of concern.
I have therapists and coaches, and I've read more self-help books than I've had hot dinners. I have an inner narrative that these are all “reasons” I should be able to sort my stuff out on my own, or at least not be a burden.
Until I finally came to realise that my trying to do it alone was causing some of the burden.
I remember thinking myself once that by the time I asked for help, I need people to drop their shit and run because if I am asking, there is big trouble.
This faux-independence isolated me.
By never asking, deep down, somewhere, I thought, I can never be let down. But what it really led to, on the rare occasions I did ask, was devastation when I was met with neutrality, or the presumption that I, like everyone else, would figure out my stuff eventually.
I realised that learning to ask for help was a lesson in learning to take up space. That letting your friends in, is an act of love, and that asking for support is not an inconvenience. It is brave and bold and defiant.
I am not trying to give the imagine with these missives that I've got the whole life thing sorted out. I am wishing to share the tools which kept me breathing, blooming and sometimes thriving.
I think quite often we hear the message that “you don't have to do it alone”, but I've come to realise that I don't want to. And every time I remember that I have choices, and I am allowed desires, life gets a little bit more enjoyable.
If you want to grow in company, www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk is here for you.
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