Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 103
I think most of us would comfortably try and avoid failure at all costs. It's a very normal, natural response to things. But I also wonder how far it gets us. Because when we try and avoid failing at things, we also avoid trying at things.
There's no way that we can learn new things, explore new things, expand our horizons, unless we're willing to get things wrong occasionally. Because learning new things involves an awful lot of getting things wrong.
And we know this, and we don't always respond accordingly. Something in our bones tells us that the idea of failure is tantamount to death. That us getting things wrong is us rejecting our sense of worth, our sense of self. It's something that we find so excruciatingly painful often.
And I think there's a slight conflation here. It isn't actually getting things wrong that is the problem. It's the way that we speak to ourselves when we get things wrong. And this, I believe, is the great big salve on being able to push ourselves out of our comfort zone is rather than going, what if I get things wrong? What if I make a mistake? It's how can I not be an asshole to myself when things inevitably do go wrong, or when I'm just trying to learn things, or when I don't know how to do something first off, or when I do something that I'm not particularly proud of. How can I speak to myself in a way that is not unkind or cruel, or in a way that I would never speak to somebody else?
When we try and avoid the feelings and the associations that we normally have with failure, quite often I think it is left over from the sting of the way that we really frequently treat ourselves and speak to ourselves. And so if we can learn ways to put more compassion into that, we don't have to be so afraid of trying new things.
I really enjoy just adding a little "L" into the whole. Into the whole scene. So rather than thinking that I'm failing at things, I just try to imagine that I'm flailing. And that just gives me a little bit of grace to know that sometimes I can choose when I want to come up for air.
I hope that there are ways and little methods that you have of just stopping to notice where what going on for you is actually, you're just not cutting yourself some slack. You could do with being a bit more graceful and kind to yourself and offering yourself the kind of kindness that you would like to offer someone else. And if you're not managing that in a way that you would really love in your life. I'd love to support you with some tools and tips and tricks to be able to notice what's going on in the internal dialogue and try and chill that out a little bit.
So that's what we do over at SelfCareSchool.co.uk and you can always drop me a little email and let me know if there's something particularly that you're having a tough time with. And I'll always try and direct you towards some resources that might be useful for you or offer you options of coaching sessions. Or maybe, another podcast, articles, or maybe some spaces online that might be useful for you to expand your learning.
Because in the end, we're all trying to learn and gather information to make our days a little bit easier, hopefully so we can support other people to have easier days too. If this is something you'd like more of, I'd love to see you inside SelfCareSchool.co.uk And if there's something I can help with, please do drop me an email. I'll speak to you next week.
Comments