Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 88
Something I hear a lot when I talk about www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk when I talk about what I do with people is people letting me know that they would really love the kind of solutions that I'm offering, but that they don't have enough time that things are too hectic and not right now. And sometimes, I also hear the various phrasings along the theme that I have too many thoughts and too much going on. This is too much for me to dig into right now.
And I always respect people entirely to know where they are, what their limitations are, and what they have the capacity for. And I also want to offer the reminder, because I know you know this anyway, that if you carry on doing the stuff you're doing, you'll get more of what you've already got. It is a really hard concept to remember when we're in the thick of it. Because sometimes, when it all feels like a great big bramble bush, we just want a moment to stop getting scratched. And the idea of reaching outside and trying to connect with learning something new feels like more energy than we could muster right now.
And I just wanted to, this week, maybe break down some of that sort of thing. I've got too many thoughts. You don't understand how hard this all is vibe really is about, in my humble opinion.
So I think when I hear people say that they've got too much going on to be able to try and look at a way to deal with the too much stuff that's going on, what they're really saying is, I think that I have too many thoughts or too many particular emotions that lead me back to thinking somewhere along the line, like, if you were to put a skewer right through the middle of this, what you get at the heart is the really, really common, pervasive feeling for so many humans of "I'm not good enough".
And when we get to that core feeling of I'm not good enough, and we know that that is sort of bubbling under the surface of so many of the choices and decisions and actions that we take in life, we can see that when it comes to trying something different or trying something that might make us feel better, if it's resting on this idea that we're not good enough, what that sort of bubbles up to, like little layers of pastry, is I'm not going to do this well enough. I'm going to stop committing to this. I'm going to fail at it. I failed at other things in the past. You don't understand how broken I am. If you really saw what was going on for me, you'd know that I'm actually the secretly unfixable person and I'd rather keep that a secret, thank you very much. Possibly even from myself.
Then we get sort of closer to the surface, and it manifests in less vicious but sneakier ways. So it's more like, if I don't finish that course that I've signed up to, I'm just going to feel a little bit. I'm going to feel more shit about myself. So I don't even want to start. Or I've tried things before and they haven't worked. And I don't want to invest any more time in it because I don't want to get disappointed, basically.
And I don't know that we always necessarily talk to ourselves in that clear way, but most of us can link or relate to a thought a bit like that. And what that thought is saying is, if I don't succeed in a way that I have already predetermined whilst standing in this place of feeling shit about myself, I'm going to talk to myself in a way that is really horrible. And I'm going to make myself feel even worse than I do now. And I don't want to have to handle that. So rather than having the prospect of feeling shitter than I do right now, what I would rather do is do nothing and deal with the level of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm that I do on a regular basis. Because at least that's familiar.
And what this shows me is that you are looking at the prospect of how things could be from a place of where things are already hard. And what I love to encourage people to do is maybe if you could sort of like plonk that in the sand, like a little flag, and then have a little stroll around it, is there any other angles that you could look at this proposition for? Like, if you knew that you were going to complete the course and it would make you feel 2% better, what would that feel like? Would that add ease into your days? Would that be worth it for you to try something new? If you were to go and try some of the courses, or some of the coaching that we have in www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk or anything else that feels nice? Going to the gym, going and deciding to add more vegetables into your diet, like deciding that you want to get yourself a very serious swimming habit, whatever it might be, if doing that thing and embarking on that in your life, you don't carry it on forever. And it isn't something that you have to commit to for the rest of your life, but for a period of time, it offers you some sense of relief from some other stuff that's going on at the moment, would that be worth it? Is there any chance that maybe possibly trying something new might not give you what you want, but it could give you something that you hadn't even thought about before and that might be really useful somewhere else in your life?
All of these prospects I'm just throwing out as ideas, but I love the idea of not trying to take away the clarity and the certainty that you have that everything's shit and rubbish and needs to stay that way, but that sometimes we can allow that sort of bit of fear, some safety, by saying, okay, I see why you're here. You're trying to support me and keep me safe. It's all right, you don't have to go anywhere. And I wonder what else could be possible and if I would be willing to dabble in some of those things, and then I could always come back to the flagpole of fear, should I wish to.
And it just creates a little bit of lightness around it, a little bit of breeziness. It's less stress and commitment. And you don't have to take me up on any of the things. I've got loads of delicious offers that I believe with all of my heart that people can learn more about themselves and, therefore, learn more about how they can create ease in their personal lives. When I say they, I mean you. I really, really believe that there are some phenomenal tools that I've gathered from thought work leaders around the world that I disseminate in little bite-sized chunks into www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk, and you don't have to take any of them up.
But I do believe that if we don't change how we speak to ourselves when things are hard, they will carry on being hard. I hope this week has provided some food for thought for some things, not necessarily just during the courses and classes. So I would be absolutely delighted if you did, but this might shed some enlightenment on other areas of your life as well. Maybe some work situations, maybe some family situations, whatever's going on for you, if you like the vibe of this podcast, this is what we do at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk I'd love to see you inside. I'll speak to you next week.
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