How rested they are
How valued they feel
How much they enjoy giving
That last one may surprise you, because I think a lot of us would describe ourselves as the kind of people who do enjoy helping others. But if they were enjoying it, they would not be calling it “people pleasing” – they would be calling it “helping a mate out” or something similar.
The term “people pleaser” by it’s very nature implies side-lining our own needs for someone else – and this often leaves us in deficit.
The problem with people pleasing is that we are doing it at the expense of ourselves and that is never going to be sustainable and it is never going to feel good.
If you really want to help people you, you’re going to have to acknowledge that you too are a person and that you are allowed wants and needs. Start with the basics and see how much of the same level of kindness you afford to others that you allow yourself.
If you’d like help doing this, we have a whole course For The People Pleasers in www.SelfCareSchool co.uk which teaches you how to include yourself, how to communicate your own needs whilst still being as loving and giving as you want to be – just not of the expense of your own wellbeing.
I operate equitable pricing: Full wage, concessions rate and free for folk who need it. Find out more here:
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