You Can’t Hustle Your Way to Happiness

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 123

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Stop for a minute.

I just want you to check in where you are trying to do more things so that you can achieve happiness. Because, my love, if you're listening to this and you give me any ounce of your time at all, my guess is that you've probably been trying that for quite some time and doing more stuff generally, in my experience, leads you to exhaustion, not happiness.

We are all prone to thinking that if we just do a few more things, or (decoded: get more things right), we're going to be allowed happiness. And I just want you to sort of pause and notice where maybe you might have fallen into that trap and it might not align with your worldview or your political view, or frankly, how you would want to be treating someone who deserves care. (that's you, by the way).

The thing is that when we approach things with this idea that we need to do more in order to be allowed happiness, in order to feel like our happiness is going to be granted to us or is warranted or we are worthy of it, it comes with a kind of punitive, grabby, tired, exhausted energy that is secretly also reinforcing the message that if we don't get things right, we're not allowed to be happy. That we have to have a big old to-do list achieved before we're granted any kind of grace in this world.

And the truth is that if you are reinforcing those kinds of messages to yourself, no matter how much you do, no matter how many things you achieve along the way, what we're doing is reinforcing the thoughts that there is a thing that you have to do to deserve kindness, love, happiness, grace, your own gentleness in the world. And if you're reinforcing those thoughts all the way along the journey, when you've done all of the things that you think will allow you the space to be happy, all you're going to end up with is more strengthened thoughts that teach you that you haven't done enough stuff yet.

We've all been in places where we have got the thing that we thought we dreamed of, only to find that we still kind of feel the same way when we get there. And that's because we're practising our thoughts along the way, that changing our actions changes our feelings. So if I do this, I'll be allowed that.

Whereas actually, our emotions come from our thoughts, and we have to do some rewiring along the journey of maybe, possibly, people are allowed to be happy, maybe people are allowed to rest, maybe people are allowed kindness, irrespective of what they're doing, practising those kind of thoughts along the way is going to mean that they're more accessible to you at every stage of the journey. So it isn't about doing the things to make you happy, it's about rewiring and reinforcing these patterns in your brain that teach you that happiness is available to you in any moment.

And the smallest, simplest way that you could do that is to start looking around you now. Where do you deserve more kindness? Where do you deserve more rest? Where is happiness available to you in the smallest tiny teaspoon in your everyday life right now?

Because teaching yourself how to look for those things in the moment is going to teach you how to be able to be spotting those things at every step of the journey. And so, no matter where you are, how much you've done or what you're doing, happiness, peace, grace, and relaxation are available to you at every step of the way. And then you don't need to do all of these things to try and escape your now life. You can actually find the things that you're seeking every single moment in the day, should you wish to. They become available to you, as opposed to a prize that's constantly dangling out of reach.

Rehearsing how to treat yourself with kindness in every moment is a superpower that I don't think can be underestimated. I hope that this is something that you'll be able to begin doing for yourself this week and forevermore.

I hope this is useful for you and I'll speak to you next week.