And are these values you possess?
It seems so simple when we break it down - but it is quite likely that all the things you really love about your chosen family are things you are quite good at yourself.
Maybe they are reliable or fun, compassionate or loyal or adventurous or centre rest. Maybe they are quick to start and quicker to notice who is not being included. Maybe they are not going to bother you after 8pm, but when they say yes to you, they know you really mean it.
What are the qualities your friendship group has? Chances are, if you did not resonate with some of these qualities yourself, you would not get along. It is fairly likely the things you hold dear about those around you are also traits you have honed in yourself.
From here, we can quite quickly deduce your values list: the barometer of what is important in your life and to your soul.
I love identifying my core values list because it makes decision-making so much simpler. If something which comes up does not align with one of my core values, I am no longer going to prioritise it.
Some of my core values are integrity, compassion, joy, ease and love. If someone asks me to do something and it does not align with any of these things, I need to check in with myself what my motivation for saying yes would be. Is it because I do not want to disappoint someone else? Is it because I do not want to deal with my own emotions if I think I have let someone down? Am I telling myself I would rather I was inconvenienced than inconvenience them? It gets to the root of the issue at lightning speed.
We can often be prone to putting our friends on aspirational pedestals as the kind of people we would like to be like. But the truth is that the combined strengths of you all as a crowd probably hold a lot more collective power and joy than any one individual. And as my circus roots tell me, each and every one of us plays a crucial role as a tent pole to keep the big top sailing high, and if any one of us were missing, the whole show would sag.
You're as precious as those you love. And if you're in any doubt about this at all, maybe have a talk to some of your friends about how this theory resonates with them.
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As the old proverb goes, if you want to go faster, go solo, if you want to go further, go together. SelfCareSchool is a collective of many folk from many different walks of life, all learning and supporting each other. It's an incredible group. The doors are open for you to step inside.
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